Guess Who Came to Lunch

(Sorry, this is really, really, really, long.)

One of the reasons that I didn't want to attend the temple on Saturday was that I was trying to get everything done that I needed to do in order to be prepared for the lunch that I was hosting on Monday. Before I can tell that story, I should give a little background.

In an effort to help provide us a more suitable place to have church on Sunday as well as a place for all the church activities that take place outside of Sunday, the current Chaplain has decided to build a religious education center. It will be home to not just our congregation, but other displaced religious groups here on post. This is an answer to years of prayers. For as long as there has been LDS services here, finding space for Sunday services and other church activities has been a challenge. The Chaplain first started talking with R about this almost a year ago. One of the major hurdles to the project is getting the funding to do all of the pre-construction work, site studies, architectural plans, permits, etc. After lots of communication with local and area church leaders as well as communication with Salt Lake and visits from general church leaders, it was decided that the church would help with this initial funding. Although the money is already in the bank, the "official" donation was made on Monday (May 2nd).

R thought it would be a great idea if we hosted a lunch for everyone after the meeting. I thought it was a great idea too but at the same time was a little concerned because here is who was coming to lunch: Elder Robert C. Oaks, an Emeritus member of the 70 and retired Air Force 4 Star General; Brother Clawson, the head of military relations for the church and retired Air Force Colonel; Brother Spallino, the church facilities director (or some title like that) for this area of the church; President Eye, our Stake President; Brother Fleek, the West Point historian and also a member of our branch and the person who's insight and help to R has been invaluable; and of course R and I.

My first challenge… deciding the menu. This was a struggle for me. I considered calling one of my good friends in Texas who loves to cook, has lots of great recipes and has probably hosted several of her own lunches. I thought about calling my mother-in-law who loves to host things. I knew she'd have lots of great ideas too. But instead, I went with R's suggestions and decided to cook a yummy Italian pasta dish with homemade French bread, and Caesar salad. Even after deciding that this would be the menu, I kept “rethinking” it. … Let me share a quick story. Shortly after we were married, R told me that his family’s mantra is “If it’s worth doing, its worth overdoing.” Not too many years later, after getting to know the members of my family better, R informed me that my family’s mantra should be “If it’s worth doing, its worth over analyzing.” (If you read one of my brother’s blog’s you will see that written in his header…now you know where it came from.) Since I am my father’s daughter, I too must “re-think” all of my decisions, trying to figure out if I’ve really made the best one. In fact, up until a week before the luncheon, I kept thinking about whether my menu choice was the best one and considering other options. I didn’t finalize my desert choice, because I was so busy analyzing all of the possibilities, until the night before I had to do the grocery shopping. (I decided on lemon aid ice cream desert).

The menu was my biggest hurdle but I also spent time “analyzing” who would sit where, how I would serve the food, etc. I wanted to be sure I did everything right. The great thing was that I wasn’t really worried and I didn’t feel stressed out. I just kept “rethinking” thing trying to be sure I got everything right. It wasn’t until we left the temple that Saturday night, and I was talking to my friend while we walked back to the car, that I had a moment of “worry”. I was talking to her about who was coming and I realized that Elder Oaks has attended and hosted many official functions. Since my husband is in the Army, I should know something about formal occasions but I don’t because, as I’m always telling people, we aren’t in the “real” army. (That’s another story.) For just a second I worried but then a feeling of calm returned. I was just going to do my best and I felt that everything would be fine.

Monday morning arrived and I was well rested…I’d slept great. R on the other hand, had not. He said he couldn’t wait for the day to be over. He was worried about the activities of the day and particularly about how he was going to handle “saluting”. I had no idea it could be so complicated. No wonder the army has to write volumes of regulations on everything. Here was the situation. R would be meeting up with Elder Oaks and those accompanying him, in a parking lot. R would be in uniform but Elder Oaks would not be. Since R would be in uniform and Elder Oaks is a retired 4 star, and R knows that, he should salute him. Okay, not too complicated yet. Next, R would drive Elder Oaks and the rest of the group to the next location where they would meet up with the Chaplain who, on a normal day, R would salute. But now, since R is accompanying Elder Oaks, and because Elder Oaks out ranks the Chaplain, R would not salute the Chaplain, he would kind of be in the background. Yet, R and the Chaplain are the only people in uniform so R said it just seemed like a weird idea to not salute the Chaplain. Thank goodness they would be indoors when they met up with the Superintendent. (You only salute outside.) The Supe is a 3 star so Elder Oaks out ranks him too, so it would be another complicated situation. After R explained all of this too me, I was glad that all I had to worry about was hosting lunch and not who to salute when. (By the way, here is how the saluting turned out…R saluted Elder Oaks in the parking lot and then asked Elder Oaks’ opinion on what he should do when they met up with the Chaplain. Elder Oaks said to salute the Chaplain so that is what R did. It is never wrong to do what the 4 star tells you to do.)

While R was off saluting everybody (and meeting the Supe) I was home doing last minute cleaning and cooking.

All went smoothly. Shortly after noon, everyone showed up. Lunch went perfectly. We served the food from the bar and had butter and water pitchers on both tables with the water glasses already filled. The Italian dish was a hit. As we were eating there were many compliments on how wonderful everything was and the casserole, in particular. In fact, as the lunch was winding down, I was standing by the bar with Elder Oaks. He was saying again, how wonderful he thought the casserole was and then he and Brother Clawson started asking me detailed questions about the ingredients and how it was made. After explaining, Brother Clawson said to R, I’m going to have to send you an e-mail so you can get me that recipe. I still had it out in the kitchen so I volunteered to make him a copy, right then. Elder Oaks then said, “Oh, will you make me one too and then I’ll be a hero” referring to taking it home to his wife. As I passed Brother Spallino on my way to make the copies, he leaned over and said, “Will you make me one too?” Clearly lunch was a success.

As for worrying about making sure I was a good hostess, here are two funny things that happened. I was trying to make sure that people always had water in their glasses and that I cleared dishes in a timely manner. During desert, Brother Clawson was doing lots of talking so everyone except for him, was finished. They still had lots of time until they needed to leave and Brother Clawson was in the middle of a story and since I didn’t want to interrupt or rush him I was waiting to clear the desert dishes. Elder Oaks was standing by his chair (he is 75 years olds and had said he needed to stand for a little bit if that was okay). Shortly after standing, Elder Oaks picked up his bowl and then asked R if he could “take his bowl too?” I quickly jumped up and in a playful tone said, “Elder Oaks, you aren’t going to clear my table”, to which he responded, looking right at me “I can do this.” And then he started clearing the desert bowls. I quickly helped.

When it came time to leave, everyone kind of waited for Elder Oaks to go first. He started towards the hall and then turned around, probably to see if everyone was following him. He must have seen the glasses, pitchers, butter dishes and stray pieces of silverware still on the table because he said, “We can’t leave you with this to clean up” and he walked back into the dining room. Again I said, “Elder Oaks, it’s fine, I’ll get it.” But he insisted on completely clearing the tables before he left. When we finished he said with a smile, “I’ll let you load the dishwasher because I know that loading a dishwasher is a very personal thing.” What a sweet man.

It was a successful lunch.

P.S. I typed this two days ago and just hadn’t gotten it posted yet when R received the following e-mail so I decided to add it here:

President S,

I was reflecting on our great visit to West Point and I realized that I had not thanked you and Sister S for the wonderful lunch we enjoyed at your home Monday. I gave my wife the recipe for the pasta dish and we are anxious to try it in our home. It was just delightful to be in your home and to feel the sweet spirit there.

In fact, all aspects of the visit were just right. Thank you for all of your efforts to make is so. I especially enjoyed the Fireside Sunday evening. Thank you for getting all of your folks there, and for all of your work as Branch President. We will hope to visit with you again sometime in the future. Please pass our warmest regards to your wife and express our appreciation for the visit to your home.

Warm Regards, Elder Robert C. Oaks