Lesson learned at 3 am

School was quite overwhelming this last week.  Several things combined to make for some very late nights as well as disappointments.  I had to miss/cancel activities that I had looked forward to all week because I had to do more homework.  By Saturday evening I was exhausted and feeling discouraged.

I have decided not to do homework on Sunday because I think it will help me keep some balance in my life.  I need one day to focus just on my family so that when my family is asking things of me, I am not weighing their requests against whether I can do that with/for them because I have homework hanging over my head.  So, after the Women's Broadcast Saturday night I had to come home at 10 pm and write my Critical Medial Analysis for my Inclusive Education class because it had to be done on Monday.  I started writing and it went quite smoothly but every time I looked at the clock another hour had passed.  I remember looking at the clock at 1 am and thinking, "oh my it is late".  It seemed just minutes later when I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2 am.  Because of church responsibilities Sunday morning, I was going to have to get up 7am so when I looked up again and saw the clock said 3 am and I was not yet done editing, I just about lost it.  I was going to get less than 4 hours of sleep and I was already sleep deprived from many other late nights during the week.

Initially my thoughts went something like this.  "I'm barely going to get any sleep tonight.  I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow.  Heavenly Father, where are you?  Why is this taking me so long when I asked for your help?  This (going to school) is what you wanted me to do so why is it so hard and why are you not helping me?"

My frustration started because of anticipated consequences of being up until after 3 am, not because of actual consequences that I was experiencing.  But, as I focused on my anticipated consequences, I found more reasons to whine and complain and have a pity party.

Then came the lesson.  Yes, it was 3 am but at the moment, I wasn't tired.  I felt very awake and alert and could function as if it was 3 in the afternoon.  I also recognized that in general, the writing process had gone quite smoothly considering how challenging it is for me to write.  I was also pleased with what I had written and felt confident that what I was writing was what my teacher wanted.   I realized that my only real complaint was about the time and although it was late, I was not yet suffering from the fact that it was so late.

I had not been abandoned.  In fact, I had been very blessed.  I was able to complete a paper in what for me, was a short amount of time.  Doing so, was relatively painless and I felt good about what I had written.  Although being up until 3am would usually mean that I would be exhausted the next day, the clear thought that came to my mind was "It doesn't have to mean you will be exhausted.  I can take care of that too."  And in fact, I wasn't exhausted the next day, or at least not as much as I would have expected from getting so little sleep.

We know from the story of the people of Alma in the Book of Mormon that the Lord can lighten our burdens.  (Mosiah 24:15)  I guess I just hadn't really recognized that one of the ways the Lord does that is by making it such that we don't experience the hardship that a burden would normally cause.  What an amazing blessing and one that I can now testify to.  I am so thankful for the enabling power of the atonement.